Most of us ladies hit the gym and so odds are, we’ve been hit on by Gym Guy. He comes in many forms and variations and can be easily recognized in Any Gym, USA. Gym Guy spotting can be considered entertainment since it offers the distraction sometimes needed to get through the doldrums of squats, lunges, and crunches.
Inappropriate Gym Guy is a classic. He's a close cousin to Lurker Gym Guy who is a fixture behind the squat machine, in an expert in mirror angles, and has an unnatural interest in the inner thigh machine. When caught being creepy, he quickly engages in practice reps with invisible weights, checking out his form and usually non-existent muscles (except for strong inner thighs) in the nearest mirror. Inappropriate Gym Guy is also an easy offender to most women, albeit sometimes unwittingly and with decent intentions. But come on.
He is the charmer who walks up while you’re lying face down in a forced arched back and butt in the air position doing reverse leg curls. You strain and groan with effort, concentrating on the workout, but you feel someone watching and instinctively know they’re not waiting for a turn on the machine. Now, in all fairness, this is one of those machines where men find it near impossible to maintain a gawk-free zone. But for most women, a perched butt and sexually suggestive position, along with a limited range of motion and inability to monitor gawking, is an uncomfortable and vulnerable position to be in. How any man might think this an actual in is beyond me.
Alas, I find myself hunched over the beloved hamstring machine counting out my reps, face to the floor, and notice a pair of sneakers which aren’t moving. I turn my head away toward the machine, ignoring the fact that they’ve been there for an entire set. I grit my teeth hoping that whoever the feet are attached to would have the common sense to move it along. Certainly a man would know better than to hover, even if they are innocently waiting for the machine. Yeah right. Certainly a man would never choose this moment to offer a compliment, or a come-on. Certainly, a man would not think this an appropriate opportunity or an opportunity at all to introduce himself. Certainly.
My hamstrings are on fire and the blood is pooling in my head. I can’t keep looking down, I can't do another set, and he’s not leaving. I let the weights drop with a loud clank and reluctantly look up to find a very attractive, fit, smiling man looking down at me. He quickly takes out an ear bud and offers a handshake telling me his name and asks for mine. It seems this way of meeting is not out of the ordinary for him as he is not flummoxed in the least. I am and am now in the precarious position of needing to shake his hand while taking off my headsets and trying to get up off the machine, gracefully if at all possible, with the beginning of a searing cramp. As if an introduction isn't bad enough, he apparently feels my speechlessness necessitates dropping the “you have great form” line as he blatantly looks me over approvingly.
I rest my forehead on the machine and go slightly limp. Maybe it was the pain, maybe the unoriginality of the pick-up line, maybe my mix of feeling resentful, embarrassed, and annoyed that there is no place in the world where a man will keep his distance, manners, and/or good sense. Maybe it was a culmination of all the times a Gym Guy thought it was a good idea to look me over provocatively and say “nice form” or ask “Do you work out?” or whisper “Ga Dunk-a-Dunk”. Or maybe I felt someone needs to tell this poor guy how ridiculous it is to hit on a woman in such a ridiculous position.
Now, I don’t mind when a man comes up and says hello and find it very charming, even brave, but there is a time and place for most things. I look at his still outstretched hand and wide smile and laugh “Are you hitting on me right now? Really? Now?” I shake his hand, introduce myself, and again ask, “Did you really think now was a good time to come over and say hello?” He begins to blush, the wheels starting to turn as he acknowledges his tactical error. I shake my head and smile sadly as the humor of this situation is not lost on me. I quickly differentiate him from Lurker Guy who would not deserve the patience of an explanation. I take a breath and in a benevolent tone, explain that when a woman is lying face down with her ass in the air, no matter how sweet or nice or well intentioned the guy is…it’s not an appropriate time!
Such a shame too, Inappropriate Gym Guy was hot. But the damage was done and I knew I wouldn’t be able to get past his screaming lack of judgement. I still see Inappropriate Gym Guy in the gym sometimes. I smile, he nods back warmly, and always keeps an appropriate distance.